you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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