literally had 100 drinks last night.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
