I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
