my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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