I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
