I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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