i love accidental penises.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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