I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
