The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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