My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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