I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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