Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
