Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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