Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
tell me about the eggs
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
