I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
