I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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