She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
