No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
