You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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