i will never coherently bang her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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