Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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