I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
