Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
