he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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