guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
