I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
