One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
