well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
