Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
