I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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