Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
