How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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