saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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