butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
