Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
