sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
