A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
