note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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