I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
