he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
