FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
