Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
