It's like God shit irony all over that family
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
