He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're a waste of cheezeits
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize