:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize