My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
