Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
