She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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