Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
