i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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