My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
