DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
