I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
how does that bad decision feel?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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