he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
