My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
