i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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