I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
