Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They took my balls.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
