just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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