If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
