I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
