Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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