me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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