Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
