i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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