Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
