In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
