we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize