dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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