LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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