I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
