As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize