Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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