At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
