Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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