My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
