so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
