Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
