she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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