She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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