the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
