On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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