i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
