It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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