AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How does one acquire holy water?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
