I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
