i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
