drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
