if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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