My sheets look like a crime scene.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
