the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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