i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
