this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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