feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
