Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
