what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
