I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
