ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
